being self aware is a blessing and a curse

Here's a fun thought, if you weren't self aware, you wouldn't even be aware of it. So take it with a grain of salt when I say that I'm very self aware. I don't pick up on everything instantly, but it always comes to me. It's great for becoming a better person and realising the bad traits in myself and the bad habits and addressing the mistakes I make instead of ignoring them. This is also a curse of feeling inadequate, constantly thinking about all the things I should be doing/have, and what people think of me. I real opinion I started forming about myself while sitting here, is that I'm becoming an exahusting person. Or I'm just exahusted with all the things I think about. Fed up is maybe a better word...

I was thinking about how toxic all my thinking is, and then I tried to figure out when it all started. That's when I remembered me last year, 15, in march. At that point in my life, I was certain on doing my education, and leading a new life. I studied physics relentlessley, and acheived from that hard work and effort I put in. I think my mind was healthier back then. I worried about things I should worry about, and thought well of others. Sure there were still guys I thought about, but I never let myself fall into bad obsession over it.

Obsession isn't always bad, there was so many beneficial phases in my life that came from obsession. Obsessing over dogs, over hamilton, over sewing, over youth, over physics, and so many more obsessions.