Why best friends matter

P.S. The site is going through a move! My new domain is amytrieslife.com, everything is still being shifted but check it out and leave a heart :))

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Honestly, I truly thought crazy exes only existed in Hollywood and sad breakup songs, well, as a part of amy tries life, Amy Tries Exes!

I like peace a lot. Really, I try and hang out with peace as much as I can. But no matter how much I stay to myself, my ex keeps showing up where he knows I'll be, waiting for me outside my door, messaging everyone in my life, and then most recently, posting my private pictures online.

However, I do not write about these things often because simply he's not poetic enough to write about. In fact, that real focus of this post is my kickass best friend, willow. Willow and I have been best friends since 11, we both moved away from New Zealand, but boy are we still very much in touch. Both of our phones got taken away this year, so we talk through a google doc titled "STEM coursework: Gene mutation treatment". I wrote to her this evening, talking about having to hear from my dad that he saw the things my former boyfriend put online about me, private pictures, messages saying he misses me, and that was my first time hearing about any of it.

My dad was very empathetic to the situation, and he was sorry for this happening to me at 16. But my best friend was immediately on it, she found the posts, and confirmed my worst fears that it was indeed private photos he posted. She was more upset than me. I told her not to message him, and that he just wants attention, and we settling on just trying to report it when she said:

Ngl I wanna comment on his post, like I'm holding back from saying something like “ooo who would have thought you’d be such a crazy ex?”

to which I said...

YES BRO THAT'S ACTUALLY GENIUS

We then cooked up some ideas, and both of us couldn't wait for her to get her phone later that night, so she could obliterate this boy. Now does this make the situation any better? Nope, most likely will not diffuse it. Will he stop? Nope. But in that moment, I realised that we don't just have to put up with this utter bullshit from boys. All my friends have seen these photos of me, heard things about me, and I am resigned to stay silent as to not "make him more angry" as if that's my worry. My friend willow rocks, it's not really about the comments, it's about how absolutely awesome my friend is, to stand up for me, to speak when I can't.

And boy will she speak some nasty stuff ;)

Life is too precious

Maybe it's the music, maybe it's the feeling of achievement after a good day of work, or the feeling of freedom after a messy breakup. Regardless, somehow for the first time in forever, I suddenly feel an inexplicable resurgence of hope for life. There's so much out there, and life is far too precious to complain about living it all the time. I hope you carry that with you throughout this normal day in July :))

I hope by my next post is out, it'll be on my new website! Blogger isn't quite cutting it for me, and if I'm a programmer I might as well. I also hope to blog more in light of recent events :))

June anyone?

Today I opened up my week planner as usual, put in my schedule, but paused as I went to close the tab. It read "2026-06-08". Yes, that is the date, but also, that's the date already?? Cue sudden self panic as I realize that half of this year is gone, and I only have half a year left to answer with "16" when people ask for my age. HALF A YEAR Y'ALL.

I conceptualize my years differently to most people (or at least different to 364 out of 365 people), as my birthday falls on the first day of each year, January 1st, New Years Day. So each year, really is a new me, it's a new age. So each time when the clock strikes 12, I not only get to scream "Happy New Year", I age one year. Though coming up, 17 sounds old and scary. Somehow, 17 sounds scarier than 18. Like am I supposed to have my life together at this point? Who the heck knows!

I wonder if anyone remembers this age when their older. Do you ever look back on your teenager years, or does it really just get left in the past? 

Apparently I'm bad at writing love letters

I've got the paper, I've got the pen. I say to myself, you love him right? Well off course, and there's many things I love about my boyfriend, but I just stare at the stupid blank piece of paper. How do you even start a love letter? Like hey, I've been your girlfriend for a month and btw your a great kisser and I love you. I seriously cannot write anything romantic.

Lately I've been thinking what if I'm just not good at romantic gestures? He's done countless for me, I have all his letters, and he messages throughout the day to update me on life and make sure I'm okay. Well compare that to me, because I've texted him twice today, I'm failing at trying to plan a good date for us tomorrow, and I'm procrastinating the damn letter writing. Physical affection comes so much more natural me, you don't have to put any of this love stuff in words and you feel great at the same time in snuggles. Also, am I the only one who struggles to use affectionate names? I just call him Emmanuel, that's it. Baby/bae/boo is so strange to me that I'd probably end up cringing every time if I called him that. I don't mind that he does that with me ... so again, am I just bad at romantic gestures?

my relationship with red flags lately

You'd think that having a brain would be enough to alert oneself to a red flag. What should we do when we see red flags? Ruuuun. What do I do? I ruuuun....

towards it. stupid heart gets in the way.

Really, it should pretty straightforward. Guy makes promise, guy breaks promise, multiple times. Not a good sign. I say nothing, and I start thinking that it doesn't matter and it's fine, I drop it even though I know it wasn't good. I mean how dumb am I to overlook that? Honestly, I think I'm more of a "see the best in everyone" kinda person, but maybe it's a disadvantage. Or maybe boys seriously just can't control themselves, and there's no point expecting them to. What do you think?

the ghosts of past present future - guy edition

I talk about guys waayyy too much lately. So much for being a strong independent woman, right? Well, I'm weighing up 3 different thoughts. Past, present, and future - guy edition lmao. Entailing the guy in my past, the guy in my present, and me in my future.

Being single is underrated, or I should say instead, being productively single is underrated. I think back to 3 months ago, at that point I was heavily missing this 20 year old guy in my life, which was only a situationship/siblingzoning ship (read about it in my earlier posts). Cut me some slack here when I say I dealt with that like a champ.

Talk about starting the new year off with a bang! Yeah I spent it wondering why he'd sent me a message first right on 12:00, and then generally being a depressed child for the next few months. However I think I displayed a good amount of remorse, but as well as moving the heck forward in life bwahaha. I admit I did those cringe things you hear in self help tiktoks titled "5 steps on getting over him! xoxo"

Surprisingly, it actually somewhat works. I went to the gym, I made new friends, started attending my new seminary class, got back into my old hobbies like flexibility and singing, I really made the most of that free time I had. I still was stuck with that hurt, but slowly it all just melted behind me. I wrote about it alot here, which is why I appreciate blogging so much. I actually kinda grew in a healthy way and I don't look back on that time as some depressing ice cream binge eating time of my life. I actually kinda miss having lots more free time hahaha but I love my boyfriend.

So I'm writing about this months later because I looked at francis's IG for the first time in months. My own brain surprised me by feeling a happy reminiscent feeling, and no more resentment. Though to be fair, I mostly laugh because it's so obvious to me now that he's a grown ass man, and it makes sense why everyone was concerned that me as a 15 year old was his best friend. I still enjoyed the peace of seeing how life is turning out for him in his dance career, and now when I see him I get to just see the happy memories and not the pain I went through in that time. I'm stalking like some creepy ex when I receive a notification from my boy emmanuel, and I smile a little at how life winds it's mysterious ways.

dear viewer, life is yours for the taking

you could waste it, you could spend it, you could simple live in it ..... or you can take it and make it your own :))

(Note that this is not an April Fools joke lmao)