June anyone?

Today I opened up my week planner as usual, put in my schedule, but paused as I went to close the tab. It read "2026-06-08". Yes, that is the date, but also, that's the date already?? Cue sudden self panic as I realize that half of this year is gone, and I only have half a year left to answer with "16" when people ask for my age. HALF A YEAR Y'ALL.

I conceptualize my years differently to most people (or at least different to 364 out of 365 people), as my birthday falls on the first day of each year, January 1st, New Years Day. So each year, really is a new me, it's a new age. So each time when the clock strikes 12, I not only get to scream "Happy New Year", I age one year. Though coming up, 17 sounds old and scary. Somehow, 17 sounds scarier than 18. Like am I supposed to have my life together at this point? Who the heck knows!

I wonder if anyone remembers this age when their older. Do you ever look back on your teenager years, or does it really just get left in the past? 

Apparently I'm bad at writing love letters

I've got the paper, I've got the pen. I say to myself, you love him right? Well off course, and there's many things I love about my boyfriend, but I just stare at the stupid blank piece of paper. How do you even start a love letter? Like hey, I've been your girlfriend for a month and btw your a great kisser and I love you. I seriously cannot write anything romantic.

Lately I've been thinking what if I'm just not good at romantic gestures? He's done countless for me, I have all his letters, and he messages throughout the day to update me on life and make sure I'm okay. Well compare that to me, because I've texted him twice today, I'm failing at trying to plan a good date for us tomorrow, and I'm procrastinating the damn letter writing. Physical affection comes so much more natural me, you don't have to put any of this love stuff in words and you feel great at the same time in snuggles. Also, am I the only one who struggles to use affectionate names? I just call him Emmanuel, that's it. Baby/bae/boo is so strange to me that I'd probably end up cringing every time if I called him that. I don't mind that he does that with me ... so again, am I just bad at romantic gestures?