the ghosts of past present future - guy edition

I talk about guys waayyy too much lately. So much for being a strong independent woman, right? Well, I'm weighing up 3 different thoughts. Past, present, and future - guy edition lmao. Entailing the guy in my past, the guy in my present, and me in my future.

Being single is underrated, or I should say instead, being productively single is underrated. I think back to 3 months ago, at that point I was heavily missing this 20 year old guy in my life, which was only a situationship/siblingzoning ship (read about it in my earlier posts). Cut me some slack here when I say I dealt with that like a champ.

Talk about starting the new year off with a bang! Yeah I spent it wondering why he'd sent me a message first right on 12:00, and then generally being a depressed child for the next few months. However I think I displayed a good amount of remorse, but as well as moving the heck forward in life bwahaha. I admit I did those cringe things you hear in self help tiktoks titled "5 steps on getting over him! xoxo"

Surprisingly, it actually somewhat works. I went to the gym, I made new friends, started attending my new seminary class, got back into my old hobbies like flexibility and singing, I really made the most of that free time I had. I still was stuck with that hurt, but slowly it all just melted behind me. I wrote about it alot here, which is why I appreciate blogging so much. I actually kinda grew in a healthy way and I don't look back on that time as some depressing ice cream binge eating time of my life. I actually kinda miss having lots more free time hahaha but I love my boyfriend.

So I'm writing about this months later because I looked at francis's IG for the first time in months. My own brain surprised me by feeling a happy reminiscent feeling, and no more resentment. Though to be fair, I mostly laugh because it's so obvious to me now that he's a grown ass man, and it makes sense why everyone was concerned that me as a 15 year old was his best friend. I still enjoyed the peace of seeing how life is turning out for him in his dance career, and now when I see him I get to just see the happy memories and not the pain I went through in that time. I'm stalking like some creepy ex when I receive a notification from my boy emmanuel, and I smile a little at how life winds it's mysterious ways.