I can't freaking wait to grow up

15. Can you believe I am 15.

I mean I'm not upset, but I'm just so excited to be 20. I can't wait to be my own person ready to make my own poor choices!! And to learn from it!!

The head on my shoulders has a good brain, I think I have what it takes to have a good adult life. I'm smart, I have a good career path ahead of me, people tell me I'm beautiful even though I'm not quite at the point of believing it, and I'm social and able to make friends, I believe I'm a good person too!! I've moved around, I have triple citizenship in 3 different countries, I can somewhat speak mandarin, I'm a good cook, I have a good support system, and I love life in general sense.

Um I sound a little delusional but I think that's me? I have a good future ahead of me, I'm not invested into things that won't get me anywhere.

I like to play a game where I play out people's lives, and see where it's headed. Seriously not a mean way but it's good to learn from other people. I see this problem where someone gets really good at something all throughout their teenage years (e.g. dance, sport, singing, etc) and that becomes who they are, it's where they make their friends, it's what makes them cool and different. They get to 20s and their still riding that wave. Make no mistake these people are awesome!! They are amazing people!! I know some of these. But what happens when they graduate? You must realise at some point that the skill you placed all your intention into can't carry you forever. You can't play basketball forever, you can't dance forever. It's so sad. So identity crisis happens and you're forced to get a minimum wage job because you don't have any other qualifications. This is how people grow old, and always look at their 20s as the highlight of their life.

How can life be so cruel to the best of us?

So yes I am stuck working 60 hours a week programming for my dad's  fintech company as an intern, and that's not cool in the slightest at my age, none of my friends know (except bestie willow). I just know one day I'll have high paying skills and 1% share holding in a growing company. And I'm very grateful for my situation, I know that hardly anyone gets it as good as me.

At the same time, I don't feel spoiled or as if I didn't work for it, I work so flipping hard.

For the future :)