moving on + getting asked out by my gym crush

Sooooooo. It's the 1st of March, you know what that means.

It means absolutely nothing to any normal person, but every 1st of each month sends me into a semi panic of realizing the year is passing before I even let it.

It's 8pm in a Starbucks, this is the second time in my life I've even been to a Starbucks but I really just needed a space to be away from home so I can write till my hearts content. Because living life without reflecting on it feels like a waste, there's so many lessons to be learned in the smallest of inconveniences. Point in case, I'm getting over myself on a guy I wrote about previously, remember francis? You probably do as every post since November has mentioned him heh, but it's been an interesting time. I'm not really here to write out a series of events, or to blame or to reminisce, I just enjoy reflecting. Thank goodness I can reflect on my time friendship with francis and not feel too bitter, I still feel happiness from those memories. UHmmm I don't know what happened to us really but whatever was there is not there anymore and technically that may've been my doing, but I've accepted that the people that you want are not always the people that you need.

I'm not depressed, I don't think I'm particularly broken/hurt either. Anything that's not a long term relationship is easier to get over. However I don't think I'll ever be able to date anyone called francis cus that shit is just too triggering lmao. I still think the best of him, I still care and I don't even think that's a bad thing. I need is time, because after a month I see how life has changed and how the more that life events happen, the less I'm sad on his absence in my life. Bro he's not dead but he might be with the lack of communication hehe. I'm learning more about myself, I'm growing, and I kinda owe that to him. It's like I'm getting the teenage breakup experience without the depressingly bitter afterparty. Anyway, one day Amy, look up a guy called Francis ____ _____ (redacted for priviacy) for funsies. Bwhahaha the way that auto corrected to funguses. 

Alright new news. I'm going to the gym now. Ummm I am far from a gym girl and it's literally the most embarrassing shi ever when you pick up the 5kg dumbbells, but what else am I gonna do, start doing reps with a banana? I can finally do the actual freaking splits, and I'm just flexing that in the gym haha. Matter of fact, I got asked out by my gym crush today. NOW Y'ALL BEFORE YOU FREAK OUT ON ME, HE'S TOO OLD FOR ME ANYWAY.

I saw him last week at the gym, I thought he was cute and he was pretty fit, I was watching his jump rope technique as well. And when I left the gym, I looked back and noticed him watching me walking off, I looked back again and he waved with a smile uwu. So, today I went to the gym at the same time a week later on the same day, not just because of him, but also since that's the best time for me. He was there, but I didn't think much of it since he was pretty locked in (also his calensthetics is some crazy stuff), I just did my flexy stuff in the side room. As I left again, he smiled and waved. I giggled and bounced off but I didn't want him to see me blushing so I walked around the longer way behind the hedge so the window couldn't see me, I get back to the path and there he is, looking for someone. He sees me and I already know he's looking for me. Ahhhahhahahah. Hehehehhe.

We walk up to each other and he starts with "hey, I saw you at the gym last week, what's your name?" It was sweet, we had some small talk, until he said that we should hangout some time and asked for my number. Super smooth btw.

Now at this point, I stop because I knowwww that this guyyyyy is gonna be olderrr than meee. And do we want to repeat that mistake again? No guys, no.

 I pull back a little as I process this, and say maybe maybe, it depends how old you are.... 

HE'S 25 Y'ALL. 25. I was like ohhh, he's like ooh, are you like 18? 😭😭 bro no.

I joked that the problem is that I look a lot older than I am, he asked again how old I was. 16 :')

I'm pretty grateful he didn't make it weird or make me feel bad at all. I wast just like, yeah.. but hey I'll see you around. He didn't push for anything or make me uncomfortable, good on him for shooting his shot on a hottie, not his fault he didn't know I was I minor lmao.

I really had a field day with that.

In the morning I went to a local filipino church lds ward, omidays sometimes I love being a foreigner in the Philippines. The way everyone automatically loves you and wants to be your friend is unreal, met some really fun girls though, plus a guy from my seminary was from there.

Oh yes, I'm going to seminary now. It's really pushing me to learn Tagalog, my understanding has gotten drastically better coincidentally since francis and I stopped talking. Call me cringe, but since then I feel like I'm heading into a grow up growth era. With him, I felt like that was it. As in I didn't have a drive to make other friends, I spent all my free time on him in the evenings, he was all I wanted really. Since then, it means I push myself to do things, I push myself to enjoy myself. NOW THIS SOUNDS CRINGE TOO, but self loves is actually super underrated. There is something to be said about having a too high ego and up yourself, but it doesn't hurt to be able to truly enjoy an afternoon with yourself. I've always enjoyed spending time with just me. Some of my good memories are from that, but mostly with other people. I'm happiest around people, always. Even now, I'm happy because I'm sitting around people in a Starbucks. I don't even have to interact with people to make me happy. Syempre I get people sick sometimes too, I'm just lucky I get to control if I go out of the house or not.

Hang on my skirt is so tight, imma discretely unzip it a little. Sorry TMI y'all.

Also it's crazy how dead blogging is. No one has any attention span past a 5 second video, which really is a cause of so many people's problems. The best feelings come from investing effort I'd say, a relationship is investing effort, reading my blog is effort, a personal project is effort, I think that's something I should expand on later.

I'm just a girl really, I love life, and damn do I need to lose my thing for older guys. I don't mean my virginity guys, I mean losing that intrigue.

Till next time,

Amy